The Long:

It HAS been a while since I've been on here. 

For anyone who cares, here is the run down:

Planned a wedding in two weeks
Married the man of my dreams
Overcame the challenges of being long distance newly weds
Moved to a new city
Survived the most complicated pregnancy
Gave birth to a beautiful son
Became a stay at home mom

In the time I've been away I've learnt so much and God-as usual has been so faithful to test me and help me overcome so many things. 

Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands.
Deuteronomy 8:2

While I was pregnant, it was the dead of winter. I had no friends here, our first apartment was so small and dark, I was lonely and angry the 10 hours of the day I was actually awake.  I wasn't just mad at myself but I tried to blame Glenn too for leaving me at home all day.  Then I tried to get mad at God but it just didn't work. This was my desert.  I knew that God was leading me through a rough time to teach me to trust him, but I was angry at His plan!  I was mad that He brought me here to test me.  In a way I didn't feel as though I needed God, I tried to find ways around asking for His help.....  Until the complications started.  I had no choice but to cry out to God. Now that I am alive and Baby is healthy and happy, we know for a fact that God never once left us.

Jesus was tested in the desert, the Israelites were lead through the desert, and Moses found God in the desert too. I believe that God leads us through the desert so we can honestly and brutally ask ourselves, "IS GOD TRULY ENOUGH"? The God who made the universe has the power to strip us of all our comforts and remind us of just how big he is.  God took away my dependence on my family, my friends and even on Glenn. I was somewhere I've never been before, feeling as though I was walking aimlessly.  But God knew where I needed to go. 

The Short:

So, is God truly enough?  The obvious answer is yes, but how often can I actually say that? At times I am still shaking sand out of my shoes, but I am learning that God really is enough. Who was I to complain about the fact that God was testing me.  If anything, it has humbled me to know that God brings me to these places so we can spend one-on-one time together.  He allows me to take inventory of my life and reminds me just how much he loves me.

I Am A Christian

The Long:

I've gotten into this horrible (and annoying) habit of doubting. 

You see, sometimes I let my imagination run wild and then I get scared and start to worry.  It sucks.  I worry about my career, finances, all of my physical aspects, my goals and all the rest of those "fun" things the future brings along.  Honestly it gets stressful. (So stressful my hair falls out >.<)

For example, something I've been really worried about is getting married. Glenn and I are getting married... God willing, and I've been trying like CRAZY to prepare myself to be the woman God wants me to be for Glenn.  When I think I've got everything down, these "what if's" start creeping into my mind.

"What if, I'm not pretty enough and it's my fault we make ugly kids?"

"What if, I'm a really mean wife and I become demanding and really mean and he resents me for the rest of our lives?!"

"What if, I wake up one morning and I forget how to cook?! AND WE STARVE TO DEATH?!"

"What if... I can't submit? What if... I let my pride get in the way? What if.. he realizes I'm just not good enough?"

For a while, these questions went without answer and I let all these deceptions trouble me on top of everything else.  Each time it bothered me, Satan set would set out more and more traps for me and before you know it, I'd be falling asleep worried and grumpy. 

When I consider the word, "deception" I think of sketchy people and even cult leaders, but I tend to overlook the deception of doubt.  It slips by me so easily because "what if..." has become such a big part of my vocabulary and I worry soooooo easily about the future  **sigh. 

I'm trying to change that, trust me. I know this sounds really... simple, but I started answering these questions with promises that God tries so hard to remind me of and honestly, it works! I'm THAT much happier and I'm stressed a lot less AND... AND my hair has stopped falling out!!!!

"What if, I'm not pretty enough and it's my fault we make ugly kids?" 
- well that's too bad because God made us in HIS image. (Genesis 1:27)

"What if, I'm a really mean wife and I become demanding and really mean and he resents me for the rest of our lives?!"
-If I do screw up and say something mean, my husband will hopefully forgive me 76 more times. (Matthew 18 21-35)

"What if, I wake up one morning and I forget how to cook?! AND WE STARVE TO DEATH?!" 
-I'm sure thats the exact reason they made fast food FTW~ (Matthew 6 25:34)

"What if... I can't submit? What if... I let my pride get in the way? What if.. I'm just not good enough?"
-In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. - Proverbs 3:6

The short:

Okay, so those weren't exactly direct verses from the bible, but I put the reference there anyways.  But I'm slowlyyyy learning to take out my "what if's" that really trouble me. It's hard but I still feel so blessed that God is right there reminding me that, because He is unchanging His promises are all true!!!!

YAYYYY~ Go God!!! =)